My name is Jaclyn, and I am currently 35 years old. I was married for 13 years, and together with the same person for nearly 15 years. I have three beautiful kids, that I continue to learn from each day. What I mean is, they have inspired me to be the person that I am today. That being said, I am going to preface this with, it has been a very transformative year. It has taken some time to regroup, and if you are a single Mom, especially one who did not predict that she would be one, then you know what I am talking about here. This original idea was created by my father with the intention to provide potential resources to other single mothers, as well as an outlet or platform for single mothers to help empower each other. After everything I have gone through, I feel it is even more important to pay it forward. You see, in the beginning, it was very easy to adopt a “victim” mentality. I was there too. Another emotion that stayed with me for a tremendous amount of time was anger. Anger though, when used in a productive way, can be used as a compass to simply say, I am not good with how things are…what can I change to make it better? One of the things my counselor once said to me was, “Anger is not always a bad thing, if you can use it as a guide. Just don’t live there.” Oh and I lived in that emotion for far too long, and that is why I choose not to anymore. Along the way, you will likely have people who tell you what to do, how to think etc. What I want to tell you, is it is okay to accept help along the way, but know that many answers will come to you as you move forward each day. Each day does get better, and know that there are challenges, but I can say that you will find a strength inside of you that you never knew existed.
Strength In Numbers
Alone, you can feel helpless and lost, abandoned and defeated. You may feel the searing burn of betrayal or the sting of insults. It can make you withdraw, because you have learned it the hard way. You cannot trust anyone. Feelings and thoughts like these can be normal during and after bad experiences, but they don’t lead to anywhere good.
Alone, you are one. Are you? Look around. Who do you know and who are your real friends? Who is your family and who can help? Who will help? What kind of help do you need or want? This is not the time to withdraw or disconnect. It is not the time to start or to continue an addiction. It is the time to connect to others in some way. It is the time to organize and to act in unison with others trying to achieve a better life. Compulsive isolation coupled with a withdrawal from support systems can only prolong your suffering or your living life at a level below what you deserve. You have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. What, really, is wrong with that?
Single moms may be the bravest people on Earth. How they make it through the days and weeks is incomprehensible to some. It takes intelligence, time, resourcefulness, and courage to keep going and more than most would ever know or have. What if we could come together and help one another, one mother helping another mother? What if we were organized, instead of being isolated by our situations? What might happen then? What if we could handle it all and rise above the situation that “he” left us in?
There is strength in numbers, but never believe that you are weak. If you haven’t run away and you’re still fighting the battles day in and day out, you are anything but weak. You know this. Every day you are a single mom in training. There is no school or classroom which teaches this. You are it. Still, we can learn from each other. We do deserve to live, be free, and be happy. Strength in numbers and when the numbers are made up of some fierce single moms, there can be no stopping us.