Harboring Guilt Is Harmful
The cat’s out of the bag. You are single. Not only are you single, but you’re raising your children all on your own. In the past, your home consisted of you, your spouse, and your children. It used to be perfect. Now it’s all fallen apart. Unfortunately, no one prepared you for the guilt you’re now feeling because you are a single parent.
Common Reasons For Feeling Guilt
* Becoming single and living apart from your child’s other parent
* Working too much
* Not spending enough 1-on-1 time with kids
* Instead of thriving, you’re just surviving
* Lifestyle changes
* Having to move (possibly change schools)
* Not being able to give children everything they want
* For thinking you should begin dating
* Dating
* Your child’s behaviors
* Meals aren’t always balanced
* You yell too much
* Negativity overpowers positivity
* You feel like you can’t do it all
* Kids have excessive screen or tv time
Regardless of the reason, guilt is present. You can choose to admit it and move beyond it, or continue what you’ve been doing; you can try and bury it and hope it stops piling up. Some days are more difficult than others. Some moments get to you while others don’t. Here’s the deal, though, it’s not a good idea to hold on to it. It will slowly eat at you until you find your breaking point.
You know what? It’s difficult for a family with two parents to do everything right. You feeling guilty because you are on your own is completely normal. Let’s take a look at some ideas to help you move beyond these feelings so you can rediscover a you that is free from guilt.
Leave That Guilt In The Gutter
* Love your kids with your whole heart
* Seek forgiveness where necessary
* Make and take time for yourself
* Admit your own faults
* Don’t be so hard on yourself
* Think of the alternatives you could be facing; it could always be worse
* Create opportunities to make new memories
* Don’t dwell on things you may have missed out on
* When you’re ready to date, it’s both natural and personal
* Be sure to make your children don’t have a false hope of you reuniting with their dad
* Kids don’t NEED many luxuries
* You’re enough
* You provide clothing, shelter, food, and love
* Allow your kids to feel how they feel
* Don’t compare yourself to anyone else (including your ex)
* You have instincts; trust them
* Free up some time to spend with your kids
* Own your mistakes
* Failure and mistakes happen; don’t fear them
* Don’t make quick decisions
* If you make a mistake, keep going
* You’re still a great mom without the ‘extras’
* Change your internal negative dialogue to positive thoughts
* As far as tasks, do the important things first
* Have a vision for the future of your family
* Let go of the idea of perfection
* Trial and error is completely okay
* Join a network of other positive parents in similar situations
* Practice self-compassion
* Try to keep all things in perspective
* Remember that this situation is unique to you and your kids
* Apologize sincerely, but not excessively
* Laughter is great medicine
* It’s okay to speak to a professional
* Accept what has happened; send it into the past
Think about this for a second… Don’t you think it is better to raise your children in a home with a happier mom versus raising them in a home where both parents are miserable? Sometimes, the guilty feelings grow and single parents try to overcompensate in areas where they feel they are lacking. This can make things worse. Much worse.
It’s fine to feel the guilt every now and then, but don’t get stuck in that world for too long. Take the guilty feelings and let them motivate you into becoming the parent you want to be. You have the opportunity to now raise your children in a home full of unconditional love and support. Win this wrestling war with guilt. It doesn’t need to be a hindrance to your becoming a better version of yourself and your family.
by Lyric Anders, writer